A lady was walking down the beach and found a bottle. She rubbed it to see what it said. A genie popped out and said "I will grant you three wishes." "But I have to warn you, whatever you wish for your husband will get ten times better or more of."
The lady said, "For my first wish I want to be the richest women in the world."
So it happened. And her husband became ten times richer then her.
For my second wish, I wish to be the most beautiful woman in the world. And so it happened. And for her husband as well just ten times better looking then her.
Then the genie asked about her third wish.
The woman stood there for a minute and said I wish for a mild heart attack.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Clever!!!
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Laughter - The Best Medicine
This is an actual collection of leave letters and applications...
1. A candidate's application :
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a typist and an accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both for the past several years and I can handle both, I am applying for the post".
2. An employee applied for leave as follows :
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one week leave".
3. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows :
"Since I' ve to go to the cremation ground and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave".
4. A friend of mine had written a leave letter to the head master :
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today".
5. A family friend of ours told an incident of his friend's letter :
"I am suffering from fever, please declare holiday to the school".
6. Another leave letter written to the head master :
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day".
7. A covering note :
"I am enclosed herewith..."
8. Another leave letter written to Administration dept :
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave".
9. Actual letter written for application of leave :
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
10. Letter writing :
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well".
Jokku !
A Paki, Bangladeshi and an Indian are in a bar one night having a beer. The Paki drinks
his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "In Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice."
The Bangladeshi (obviously impressed by this) drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "In Daka we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either."
The Indian, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Paki and Bangladeshi. He says "In Delhi we have so many Pakis and Bangladeshis that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice."
Thursday, September 27, 2007
How a business can be done...
DAD FINDS A BRIDE FOR HIS SON.
Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case...ok"
Next Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"
This is how business is done!!
Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything. But your attitude should be positive
Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case...ok"
Next Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"
This is how business is done!!
Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything. But your attitude should be positive
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
IQ Tips
- Be sure about what you have written in Resume
- Be honest to admit things you don?t know.
- During interview, display good listening skills.
- Ask for clarifications ? that gives you chance to think for the reply.
- You are not expected to answer the moment question is over ? Do ask the interviewer ?Can I have 2-3 minutes to think? ? This perfectly OK
- Before starting the answer ? spell out any assumptions you make. Interviewer might be interested in knowing whether you are good thinker or not.
- Avoid discussing matters related to salary, location etc with technical interviewer
- Don?t bad mouth your previous employer?
- Talk slowly and confidently.
Can you Beat this resume
RESUME
EDUCATION /Qualification:
Stood first in BA (Hons), Economics, Panjab University, Chandigarh,1952; Stood first in MA (Economics), Panjab University, Chandigarh,1954; Wright's Prize for distinguished performance at St John's College,Cambridge, 1955 and 1957; Wrenbury scholar, University of Cambridge,1957; DPhil (Oxford), DLitt (Honoris Causa); PhD thesis on India'sexport competitiveness
OCCUPATION /Teaching Experience:
Professor (Senior lecturer, Economics, 1957-59;Reader, Economics, 1959-63;Professor, Economics, Panjab University, Chandigarh, 1963-65; Professor,International Trade, Delhi School of Economics,University of Delhi,1969-71; Honorary professor, Jawaharlal Nehru University,New Delhi,1976 and Delhi School of Economics, University of Delhi,1996 and CivilServant
Working Experience/ POSITIONS:
1971-72: Economic advisor, ministry of foreign trade
1972-76: Chief economic advisor, ministry of finance
1976-80: Director, Reserve Bank of India; Director, IndustrialDevelopment Bank of India; Alternate governor for India, Board ofgovernors, Asian Development Bank; Alternate governor for India, Boardof governors, IBRD
November 1976 - April 1980: Secretary, ministry of finance (Departmentof economic affairs); Member, finance, Atomic Energy Commission; Member,finance, Space Commission
April 1980 - September 15, 1982: Member-secretary, Planning Commission
1980-83: Chairman, India Committee of the Indo-Japan joint studycommittee September 16, 1982 - January 14, 1985: Governor, Reserve Bankof India
1982-85: Alternate Governor for India, Board of governors,International Monetary Fund
1983-84: Member, economic advisory council to the Prime Minister
1985: President, Indian Economic Association
January 15, 1985 - July 31, 1987: Deputy Chairman, Planning Commission
August 1, 1987 - November 10, 1990: Secretary-general and commissioner,south commission, Geneva
December 10, 1990 - March 14, 1991: Advisor to the Prime Minister oneconomic affairs
March 15, 1991 - June 20, 1991: Chairman, UGC
June 21, 1991 - May 15, 1996: Union finance minister
October 1991: Elected to Rajya Sabha from Assam on Congress ticket
June 1995: Re-elected to Rajya Sabha
1996 onwards: Member, Consultative Committee for the ministry of finance
August 1, 1996 - December 4, 1997: Chairman, Parliamentary standingcommittee on commerce
March 21, 1998 onwards: Leader of the Opposition, Rajya Sabha
June 5, 1998 onwards: Member, committee on finance
August 13, 1998 onwards: Member, committee on rules
Aug 1998-2001: Member, committee of privileges 2000 onwards: Member,executive committee, Indian parliamentary group
June 2001: Re-elected to Rajya Sabha
Aug 2001 onwards: Member, general purposes committee
BOOKS:
India's Export Trends and Prospects for Self-Sustained Growth -ClarendonPress, Oxford University, 1964; also published a large number ofarticles in various economic journals.
OTHER ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
Adam Smith Prize, University of Cambridge, 1956
Padma Vibhushan, 1987
Euro money Award, Finance Minister of the Year, 1993;
Asia money Award, Finance Minister of the Year for Asia, 1993 and 1994
INTERNATIONAL ASSIGNMENTS:
1966: Economic Affairs Officer
1966-69: Chief, financing for trade section, UNCTAD
1972-74: Deputy for India in IMF Committee of Twenty on InternationalMonetary Reform
1977-79: Indian delegation to Aid-India Consortium Meetings
1980-82: Indo-Soviet joint planning group meeting
1982: Indo-Soviet monitoring group meeting
1993: Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting Cyprus 1993: HumanRights World Conference, Vienna
RECREATION:
Gymkhana Club, New Delhi; Life Member, India International Centre, NewDelhi
Name: Dr Manmohan Singh
DOB: September 26, 1932
Place of Birth: Gah (West Punjab)
Father: S. Gurmukh Singh
Mother: Mrs Amrit Kaur
Married on: September 14, 1958
Wife: Mrs Gursharan Kaur
Children: Three daughters
Our Prime Minister seems to be the most qualified PM all over the world.
Jeppier English
In TN, well Known Person,Mr Jeppier,Chairman of Self finance Engg Colleges Association ,who is always speaking in English...SathyabamacollegeStudents have Collected & published the Book Jappier's Spoken English... Njoy ...........with his..............English..............
Now, here are some classic English sentences from the great Mr. Jeppiar.
The stalwart talks to his students:
# At the ground:
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All of you stand in a straight circle.
There is no wind in the balloon.
The girl with the mirror please comes her...{Means: girl with specs please come here).
# To a boy, angrily:
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I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?
# While punishing students:
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You, rotate the ground four times...
You, go and understand the tree...
You three of you stand together separately.
Why are you late - say YES or NO .....(?)
# Sir at his best:
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Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did no t see them.
So the next day at s school... (to that boy) - "Yesterday I saw you
WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre"
# Sir at his best inside the Class room:
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Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
Cut an apple into two halves - I will take the bigger half.
Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal JUST PASSED AWAY in the corridor
You, meet me behind the class. (Meaning AFTER the class..)
This one is cool >> "Both of u three get out of the class."
Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today...
Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....
Take 5 cm wire of any length....
Last but not the least some Jeppiar experiences ...
Once Sir had come late to a college function, by the time he reached, the function had begun, so he went to the dais, and said, sorry I am late, because on the way my car hit 2 muttons (Meaning goats).
At Sathyabama college day 2002:
"This college strict u the worry no .... U get good marks, I the happy, tomorrow u get good job, jpr the happy, tomorrow u marry I the enjoy"
At St. Josephs fresh years day 2003:
"No ragging this college. Anybody rag we arrest the police"
Signs you've been in the Indian IT industry for too long!!!
1.) Ur prime source of entertainment is the forwards send to U by friends whose faces U can’t remember.
2.) U drink more tea or coffee than water.
3.) When a half-day at work means leaving at 7:30 in the evening (andU actually feel guilty about it).
4.) U keep trying to shut down ur home computer by pressing Ctrl+Alt+Del (used to lock office comps)
5.) After U switch on your TV, U spend some time looking for a mouse.
6.) U send Microsoft Office mails with voting buttons to fix the timefor a meeting with friends.
7.) When ur mobile rings at home, U rush outside to receive the call.
8.) When U make calls at home, U accidentally dial "0" to get an outside line.
9.) U haven’t played Solitaire with real cards in years.
10.) U tell everyone your favorite book is "Who Moved my Cheese?"when in reality U couldn’t even finish that. Ur real favorite book isthe Oracle manual for PL/SQL.
11.) Ur last crush was a girl in HR, ur current crush is the new girl in HR and all ur crushes in the future will be girls in HR.
12.) U don’t go abroad anymore, but go 'on site'. And when U go 'onsite' your mama, chacha and l'il cousin Chintu come to see u off.
13.) U spend the entire day reading forwards, smoking cigarettes,drinking tea/coffee and playing T.T. and then complain about the lateworking hours.
14.) Ur important 'meetings' usually comprise two or three people max,including yourself.
15.) U keep pressing Ctrl+Enter wondering why your gmail is not going.
16.) U secretly prepare for CAT only to find ur PL sitting behind youat the exam.
17.) Ur criteria for visiting a restaurant is whether itaccepts'Ticket restaurant' coupons or 'Sodhexo' passes.
18.) U email ur mate who works at the desk next to U.
19.) U read this list and kept nodding & smiling.20.) As U read this list, U r thinking of sending it to ur friends whoare also in IT.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
What happens if 1 rupee = 45 dollars! ?? !
Scene 1 Venue : Microsoft Corporation, New York , US Some s/w engineers are seeing some photographs.
s/w engg 1 : What's that?
s/w engg 2 : Bob's photographs from India .
s/w engg 1 : Wow. Let me see. Which is this place?
s/w engg 3 : (Sees the photo) This is Ranganathan Street ,TNagar,Chennai
s/w engg 1 : Fundoo yaar! And what is this? He's got an TVS 50 also.
s/w engg 2 : Let me see (sees). This guy enjoys life maan...
s/w engg 3 : You know how much an TVS 50 costs? Nearly 200K. Say it in dollars...
s/w engg 2: Oops. We can't dream of such a thing here.
s/w engg 1 : Let's go to India & try for a job. [Everybody excited.]
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SCENE 2 Venue: Sun Microsystems, SanFrancisco , California, US
s/w engg 1: I'm with you man. My Visa is expected anytime. Soon I will fly to India
s/w engg 2 : Ohhh.... When is the party?
s/w engg 1: When I get it on hand.
s/w engg 2: Where will you be working?
s/w engg 1 : I'll be working in Gummidipoondi.
s/w engg 2 : Oh! Gummidipoondi. Great yaar. where it is...
s/w engg 1 : It is in Madras .
s/w engg 3 : Fundoo place yaar. Nice climate Not like California . You'll love the weather yaar. One of my friends is in Jaipur, Rajasthan...He says it's the ultimate place to live in. Cool maan. s/w engg 2 : Who is the client yaar?
s/w engg 1: You know Madras Municipal Corporation?
s/w engg 3 : Yeah. MMC. One of my friends is there in the Road Cleaning Division. Most challenging job yaar. People are working in the cutting edge of technology there.
s/w engg 1 : I'll be writing software for the accounts department of the GCU.
s/w engg 2: GCU? what it means...?
s/w engg 1 : that is Garbage Collecting Unit.
s/w engg 3 : : Great yaar. That's what I like about that country. You can get a job which requires all your skill. Not like here. See I'm writing software for the space shuttle remote control. I hate this.
s/w engg 1 : Don't worry guys. I'll give you my Hotmail id. You can send your resume to me and I'll forward it to the HRD. [Everybody takes down his Hotmail id.]
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SCENE 3 Venue: IBM, New York , US (Conversation between a Male s/w engg. and Female s/w engg.) M
ale : Hi!
Female: Hi. You know. I'm planning to settle in India soon.
Male : What??
Female : Yeah. My marriage will be here in America only. He is doing his Ph.D in Cuddalore College and he's coming here for a month. His study will be over in 2 months. He's already got a job in CEB (Cuddalore Electricity Board). We planned to settle in Cuddalore itself... I'm also planning to work there. Let's see...
Male: Good luck... dont forget us & US...
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SCENE 4 Venue: Intel Corp. US
s/w engg 1: Great news guys. Our George has got admission in the Tagore Arts College in Pondicherry with scholarship for B.A History. A great new field yaar... All are excited...
George : Got my Visa yesterday. It's all finalized now.
s/w engg 2 : Congrats yaar. So you are out of this country.
s/w engg 1 : B.A in Histroy...ohh...man, enjoy your life there?
s/w engg 2 : : Got full aid, eh?
George : Yeah. Got the UGC scholarship That will be 1200 Rupees per Year.
s/w engg 1 : Great. Enjoy.
s/w engg 2 : (Thinking loud): 1200 Indian Rupees...! that means 1200 * 45 = 54000 Dollars... with that amount I can buy an three bed-room flat & a Mercedes here...!!!
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A Kind Request to My Leam Lead
I have to watch India Pakistan T20 Final today…
Will you allow me to go home early today or not ???
Monday, September 24, 2007
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Stock Market Jokes
The market may be bad, but I slept like a baby last night. I woke up every hour and cried.
What's the difference between buying a lottery ticket and buying a penny stock? In the first case, you help finance your local community swimming pool. In the second case, you help finance the stock promoters home pool.
My broker and I are working on a retirement plan. Unfortunately, it's his!
A long term investment is a short term investment that failed.
A stockbroker is someone who invests your money till it's all gone!
A market analyst is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today!
I'm thinking of leaving my husband, complained the broker's wife. "All he ever does is stand at the end of the bed and tell me how good things are going to be."
Momentum Investing: The fine art of buying high and selling low.Value Investing: The art of buying low and selling lower
Q: Why did God create stock analysts ?
A: In order to make weather forecasters look good.
Attitude
A jobless man applied for the position of 'office boy' at a very big firm. The HR manager interviewed him, then a test: clean the floor. "You are hired" he said, give me your email address, and I'll send you the application to fill, as well as when you will start. The man replied "I don't have a computer, neither an email". I'm sorry, said the HR manager, if you don't have an email that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job. The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 US in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10 KG tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation 3 times, and returned home with $60 US. The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubles or triples every day. Shortly later, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles. 5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US. He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chooses a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied: 'I don't have an email'. The broker replied curiously, you don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Do you imagine what you could have been if you had an email? The man thought for a while, and replied: an office boy!
Confidence,Trust and Hope
CONFIDENCE:
Ones all village people decided to pray for rain.
On the day of prayer all people gathered and only one boy came with an
umbrella that's confidence...........
TRUST:
Trust should be like the feeling of a one year old baby
when you throw him in the air , he laughs......
because he knows you will catch him........
HOPE:
A human being can live for
40 days without water
8 minutes without air
but not even 1 second without hope....
Thursday, September 20, 2007
I don't want to go to office today!
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Y u r not listening to me only... I will not come to office
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leave me... I wont come to office... leave me alone!
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But finally... brought into office... my life got spoiled
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This bug will not get fixed and this stupid boss will not leave me..
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ohoo... how to fix these bugs... God pls help me
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When life is hard and Saturday is still away,
there is only one thing to do!
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Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Sardarji !!!!
Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.kSardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but??
how much is DRIVING salary...?
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Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do register marriage
and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post
office....
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Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and
says, "chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal...." Finally he wrote the conclusion......
...... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"
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2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
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A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......
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A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the
exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' . he replaced friend with father
in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE
FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
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